It’s been a rough couple of months here in Condo Wonk Land.
Our building had just finished an expensive re-siding project that had taken several months. Nerves were frayed.
Most people deal with occasional frustration. But a few think it’s okay to impose their bad feelings on the manager, the board, and sometimes, fellow owners.
We live in angry times.
Maybe our stoic manager had just seen it all before. I hadn’t, not like this. Dealing with angry people is not part of my skill set. It got to me.
It took me a while to write this post. Angry homeowners are much tougher to write about than electric rates and EV chargers.
For privacy reasons, I’m combining characters and referring to our angry homeowners, male or female, with neutral pronouns. The emotions, however, are true.
Here goes.
Homeowners who break the rules are the easy ones
They are the ones who leave a mess in common areas. Who park overnight in guest parking because it’s more convenient than their assigned space. Whose dogs are too large, or too numerous, or not cleaned up after.
Condominium law has an answer for rule breakers: enforcement procedures and the ability to fine. In most cases, it eventually works to limit the bad behavior.
Rule-breakers can cause problems, but that’s not what this post is about.
The ones who are angry are worse
They aren’t breaking any rules, other than your Homeowners Association (HOA) communication policy, if you have one. See more on that below.
But powered by their rage, they send dozens of emails. Or text messages. Or call up every extension in the manager’s office and leave a nasty message at each one.
They use furious outbursts to avoid taking responsibility. They bend the truth, more than a little.
They berate and belittle the manager, the president and the board and declare them incompetent. They accuse the manager and president of lying and gaslighting.
Masters of wheedling and manipulation, they always need to be right and always need the last word.
It’s Exhausting
Angry homeowners waste our time. Lots and lots of time. They create enormous amounts of tension and stress.
Here are some steps that worked for us.
Step 1: Control the Communication Channels
Other than emergencies, email is our manager’s preferred mode for communication. He responds quickly to emergencies, and within a day or two for non-emergency matters. He works hard to resolve legitimate concerns.
However, if a homeowner is using emails to insist again and again on the same point without providing any additional information, the manager drops the email communication down to a crawl. At that point, continuing to respond just adds fuel. And wastes the manager’s time.
Step 2: Don’t engage with Abusive Homeowners
Abuse can be defamatory language, like unjustly accusing the manager, the president and/or the board of dishonesty. Or it can be a flood of communication so relentless that it amounts to harassment.
One homeowner insisted—in a series of aggressive emails and texts—that it was my duty as HOA president to read their messages and respond.
As far as I can tell, the only time that the president, or any board member, is required to listen to homeowners is during the “open forum” time during regular board meetings. Even then, their time can be limited to a few minutes. We can set rules about appropriate language and behavior during the homeowner forum. Filming can also help.
When an owner becomes abusive, our manager stops email altogether and switches to the postal service for all correspondence. And, if necessary, moves on to Step 3.
Step 3: Call Your Lawyer
Talking to an HOA attorney can clarify the HOA’s response to a difficult homeowner.
The manager and I finally did that. We wrote up a summary of the various issues we were facing, and our questions for each. We booked an hour of the attorney’s time and went through each one. We got useful advice and in one case, we had the attorney write the homeowner a letter.
Step 4: Find a Peacemaker
Our HOA has a secret weapon: a board member who’s really, really good with upset homeowners.
He listens. Then he calms them down and gets their cooperation.
It’s a skill set that neither the manager nor I have. His success rate is phenomenal. Even with someone we had already sent a lawyer’s letter to.
If you have a homeowner whisperer in your building, you are lucky. Use them. I’m very grateful for ours.
Step 5: Change the Culture
Things have calmed down a lot here in our condominium. One of our angry homeowners has asked for a fresh start. Another has receded from view, only occasionally sending a blustery email.
The board has vowed to keep things this way.
We try to keep homeowners informed. Meetings are, of course, properly noticed and open for anyone to attend. We use the homeowner forum to actively listen to concerns and, where appropriate, to respond. Abusive language will not be tolerated. Our designated peacemaker gets involved when necessary.
Final Thoughts
We don’t get to choose the random assortment of people who live in our building.
For some, we will never fix their condominium issues to their satisfaction because we cannot fix whatever else is wrong with their lives. They don’t really want an answer. They just want to keep beating up on whoever represents the HOA.
The force of our angry homeowners took me by surprise. Next time I won’t be sucked in.
